White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
