You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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