I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
