I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
