Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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