She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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