my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm at about main and main street
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
