Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
