a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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