Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
its liver damage thursday
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
