I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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