if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
