I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
