at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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