hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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