So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
