Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
