i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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