Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
