I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
