Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
