i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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