I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize