her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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