Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The air was thick with penises
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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