Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
