We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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