The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
