Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
