super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
