Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
