in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
