Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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