i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize