wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
