I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
