He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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