I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
