I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
