I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
