Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your penis caused this!
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