____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
