Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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