The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
