I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
