New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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