Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
