Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
