I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
