Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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