How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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