If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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