I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
