If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have started to decorate penises.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
