i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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