I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
