A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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