lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
