if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
