Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
