I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
