I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
