i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just google imaged poop.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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