My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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