dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
