Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
