dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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