you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
