you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
