And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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