party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
