no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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