I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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