Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this boner is exhausting
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
