I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
