I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize